Why You Can't Be Friends with Your Team: A Leadership Perspective

By Kevin Johnson, Leverage Consulting

In one of our most popular podcast episodes, we delved into a topic that often stirs up considerable debate: why leaders and managers can't be friends with their team. This isn't about promoting a culture of aloofness or discouraging camaraderie; it's about understanding the critical balance between leadership and friendship. Let's explore why earning respect should precede any attempt at friendship in a professional setting.

The Leadership Role: Earning Respect First

As a leader or manager, your primary responsibility is to guide, mentor, and ensure the productivity of your team. This requires a foundation of respect that can only be built through consistent, fair, and strategic leadership. Before you even consider being friends with your team members, it's crucial to establish your credibility and authority.

The Perception of Favoritism

One of the most significant downsides to leading with friendship is the perception of favoritism. This perception, whether true or not, can be detrimental to team morale and cohesion. Team members are always watching how you interact with others. If they sense favoritism, it can lead to resentment and a lack of trust in your leadership. Even the greatest coaches understand this dynamic. They are often harder on their favorite players to ensure the rest of the team sees fairness and consistency in their approach.

The Coach-Like Leadership Model

Your role as a leader should resemble that of a coach. Coaches are respected for their ability to enhance and develop the skills of their players. They focus on improvement, performance, and accountability. By adopting this mindset, you can create an environment where respect flourishes, and team members are motivated to excel.

The Pitfalls of Prioritizing Friendship

When friendship is prioritized over respect, several issues can arise:

1. Performance Management: It becomes challenging to address performance issues objectively. If a team member who is also a friend underperforms, providing constructive feedback or taking corrective measures can strain the relationship.

2. Professional Boundaries: Maintaining professional boundaries is crucial for effective management. Friendships can blur these lines, leading to conflicts of interest and challenges in making unbiased decisions.

3. Authority and Discipline: Leaders need to be able to enforce rules and standards consistently. When friendship takes precedence, enforcing discipline becomes difficult, undermining your authority and the overall discipline within the team.

    

Avoiding the Friendship Trap: Three Key Strategies

1. Set Clear Boundaries: From the outset, establish clear professional boundaries. Communicate your role and responsibilities as a leader, and ensure your team understands the importance of these boundaries for effective management.

2. Focus on Fairness and Consistency: Be consistent in your interactions and decisions. Treat all team members fairly, and avoid showing preferential treatment. This approach helps build trust and respect.

3. Prioritize Professional Development: Concentrate on the professional growth of your team members. Offer regular feedback, coaching, and opportunities for development. By focusing on their career advancement, you reinforce your role as a leader who values their growth.

    

Conclusion

It's always possible to have a friendship if you have the respect first, but it's rarely possible to have respect if you prioritize the friendship. As leaders and managers, our duty is to foster an environment where respect, fairness, and professional growth are paramount. By focusing on earning respect, we can build strong, effective teams capable of achieving great success.

For more insights on effective leadership and management strategies, tune in to our podcast and join the conversation. At Leverage Consulting, we're committed to helping you navigate the complexities of leadership and drive your team to new heights.